Julian Cope presents Head Heritage

If you believe you have a legitimate claim to some or all of Earth's principal satellite, please submit your claim in writing to the Law Council and it will be considered.

In the meantime, please make arrangements to remove all pods and associated feline living equipment. Also, the level of rodential litter is a cause of great concern and the following items are particularly numerous:

Empty receptacles once containing alcoholic beverages, especially beer cans

Empty pizza boxes

Empty chocolate wrappers

Empty kebab wrappers

Empty crisp packets

Empty cake boxes

Discarded bongo magazines

Please arrange for collection and disposal of these items.