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Top ten worst ever rock ballads
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keith a
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Re: Top ten worst ever rock ballads
Aug 06, 2012, 13:02
wychburyman wrote:
Well, you could say that just about every rock "ballad" is a cheese fest of monumental proprtions, and they always seem to follow the same formula: slow, pondering start, hoary cheesy lyrics, perhaps an acoustic guitar to kick off, some lyrics about standing on the roadside in the rain or waiting for lurve, and then quickly building to a crescendo of unmitigated electric gueetar posturing with inserts of chase-me-around-the-fret-board spandextacular.

For me, the top ten must include November Rain, or should that be November pain? Now, actually, many years ago, I quite liked Foreigner! But my god, "Ive been waiting" and "Cold as Ice" are just unlistenable dirges, music to pebble dash the house by. Personally, I think Led Zep manages to just about get away with it; but Styx are probably the worst proponents and Whitesnake and Bad Co are not without blame.

Oh, and Heart, NO.

Bloody hell, Wychburyman! Thanks for reminding me of a horrible, horrible genre!

The first name that comes to mind with me is Whitesnake. Is This Love is power-ballad-by-numbers, as cynical in its construction as anything SAW ever came up with (but nowhere near as good as Never Gonna Give You Up or I Heard A Rumour!) And the video is horrid, too - every rock cliche in the book. Big hair, wind machine, beautiful girl. Of course, the latter then shows a big lapse of taste by fancying the ugly singer, a buffoon who resembles a docker with a poncey haircut. All this leads me to the conclusion that she is either...

a) a gold digger


b) a bit simple)

Funnily enough I'm embarrassed to say I don't mind Cold As Ice for some reason, though it doesn't seem like a rock ballad to me. I Wanna Know What Love Is the obvious Foreigner example, the archetypal big rock ballad in many ways. Needless to say it's really, really not my cup of tea, but I can kinda see why can see why people go for it. Ditto Alone (a second cousin of the dreaded Total Eclipse Of The Heart!) by Heart - a misnomer if there ever was one. Tonsils would have been a much more appropriate band name!

Others I hate....

Classic by Adrian Gurvitz, surely one of the worst singles EVER. Personally I wouldn't have let him out of the attic after he'd written that!

As much as I like much of Prince's 80's output, I can't abide Purple Rain. It's so obviously anthemic but it just sounds like bad John Lennon to me.

Hold The Line - Toto. And I hate Rosanna even more, though I'll embarrass myself again and admit that for some reason I don't mind Africa!

I don't think I minded Boston's More Than A Feeling's at the time but it was early days for this soft rock thing and we didn't know what we were letting ourselves on for! It's pretty rubbish when you hear it these days, isn't it.

Styx are the other band that spring readily to mind. I must admit I had a grudging respect for Babe even if part of it is ripped off Everything I Own, but otherwise, well like lost of this genre it was poodle-haired bollocks really.
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