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Edited Apr 27, 2020, 11:13
Re: Stewart Lee
Apr 27, 2020, 10:46
Ah, bonkersness - and ruining a perfectly palindromic ex-related Magic Number 1441 post count for this too but this will become glaringly relevant in a moment - this week's Stewart Lee column perfectly mirrors my experience in a Norfolk street this weekend!


Now what 'appened this weekend, presumably after this column was filed but the day before it was read by me, the missus and me popped to the nearest Post Office to send our belated French-holiday-postcarded Easter gift to the ex as a further thank-you for Dope vinyl retrieval services requested on 03.03 this year.

The missus wanted to take an exercise detour further into the town but having now been laden with several kilograms of whole food from the whole food shop I complained and asked for the most direct route back instead.

As a compromise we meandered back through rows of terraced houses, all delightful, and with a random chippy on the corner of one street the late spring sunshine waft of garlic mayonnaise transported us back five years to the streets of Port de Pollença. Suddenly to the right, do I "glimpse the great god Nodens in his great green masquerade"??

Great possibly not, but something in this unassuming terraced house rendered meek yet lush and inviting in its surrounding border shrubbery of first-floor height and green-painted door and windows like a vegan restaurant in Port de Pollença (we get about) has caused me to instantly fall in love. I want to just stroll right in and live there blissfully but there's people by the looks of it so rather than invading their privacy will Streetview it after.

It was number 34

The combination of whole gespacho (mmmmmm, cucumber-y) and whole leek and potato sends me narcoleptic on return and I spend a good half an hour of a two hour nap suspended perfectly between sleep and waking with nothing in me other than the thought of loving my ex "'til the end of fucking eternity" (swearing included).

Later that evening I give this newly purchased The Veees CD a spin. "Cook me! Eat me! Taste my juice!" - I wasn't expecting this unmistakeably French slice of quirky erotica, purchased solely on the presence of one track NaNNOUfx in the vaults 1998.

Stumbled across whilst online purchasing another Dope vinyl, the '1998' reminds me of the "edgy" conversation I had on phone with the ex while she was at the Post Office collecting a previous Dope vinyl.

Having only just turned 14 in 1998 she would have been old enough to come see Prince if accompanied by a responsible adult! And if that weren't enough she tells me that apparently vegans taste good the day after my hearing The Veees' "cook me!" lyrics. HOWSHENOE?!?

Transporting back the same five years I locate that surreal response from Aphex Twin on Soundcloud in 2015:

@blahsayingsquid: just look inside the cucumber on 34 times the country internals, u will always be in the dreamcourgette then, cheers dj latte*

Now, I was too carrer de les monged to spot whether I did have a courgette half asleep on the Saturday but not so out of it on the Sunday I didn't spot that offending Danny Dyer Zoo Magazine article was originally published on a p.33!! All I can say is, if you inhabit a William Burroughs-type Time Trumpet Universe then there is at least one "cut-up" technique that actually does work!!! Fnarr fnarr fnarr fnarr fnarr fnarr fnarr fnarr fnarr fnarr fnarr fnarr fnarr I am so setting myself up for a fall...


* funny French aside: The biscuits they gave out with coffee at the restaurants in France last year were Maison Richard / Cafés Richard - I still have the La Petite Galette Éclats de Caramel right here! Mallorca Fookin' Files

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