How’s this for jetset? I’m writing this June Drudion aboard a Lufthansa Airbus 320 (LH 097) between Bremen and Frankfurt, after three days of fieldwork re-visiting the Vizbeker monuments on the Oldenburg Plain. Seems like I spend most of my time going back to places these days, making sure it all still exists (which, as I found out to my horror in Portugal last month, it occasionally doesn’t !!!).
Anyway, this month has been a real trip and I ended up pulling a Russian guy out of a inverted BMW in a water-filled ditch, halfway up the Glassamucky Mountains, when I’d only been in Ireland for about half an hour! Don’t ask me how it happened, these two mad Russkies were driving so fast they nearly went over a cliff and only saved themselves by turning INTO the hillside and overturning into the afore-mentioned ditch. Myself and the lunatic who goes by the name Tom Fourwinds had been visiting a bullaun stone when the storm that caused the Russians’ accident chased us both off the hillside. One guy got out bloody and clucking like a headless chicken, the other was still in there so I helped haul him out. The car was still smoking! “Did you get to practise your O-Level Russian on them?” asked my delighted mother-in-law Leli B. Funnily enough, nyet! I replied. Surprisingly, they didn’t seem too interested in “Hullo, my name is Julian, I’m forty-five years old”, right after their near-death experience!
So what’s the crack in Iraq, then? Have Bush the Baptist and Jesus Blair yet succeeded in creating that fundamentalist Islamist state they both seem so intent on? I’m so head down right now, I cain’t figure anything out. With Donald Rumsfeld comparing the Iraqi looting with English footie supporters, it’s good to see good ole Yankie diplomacy foot to the floor, as usual (or should that be ‘comme d’habitude?).
Talking of fundamentalism, this Album of the Month for June is right there, too. But as I’ve been listening to some truly demented kack at the moment, only head cleaning pituitary root canal seemed to fit the bill. Gotta say, it’s great to hear that the WHITE 1 album is coming out on double vinyl – look on the Merchandiser, they’ze already on their way. Went on a fieldtrip up to Blakey Topping and Freebrough Hill with Holy Mac the other week and he played me some new stuff that bronzed my inner booties! Oh yeah, there’s some great vileness out there, and some real amazing rock’n’roll, too. Hiroshi Nar has temporarily backed off from the 3" CD cult fixated stuff and delivered an excellent new Niplets album that falls midway between the Blue Orchids and Neil Young.
But you know the problem with most modern rock’n’roll? It’s about nothing but fantasy or (at best) the neuroses of the artists themselves. I keep getting asked is Donor influenced by High Rise or Mainliner and I say no fucking way, because we’re song based and lyric based most of the time. Grand Funk might have been lyrically bland but it at least attempted to be ABOUT something. Why don’t people realise the Donor songs are just Cope songs gone heavy? Then again, I finally heard that Coldplay band over the radio at the Bar-th-elona fezzie and what a syrupy shiner that lead singer is – no wonder he asked Mac Maculloch (Bunnymen) to support them on their new tour, it’s the only way to stop Mac suing his whinging butt for total copycatism. However, one has to ask why Mac ain’t clocked it himself, rather than playing the peasant and grinning with approval!
One final thing, I DO NOT have a new band called Spazareth. It all started when me and McGrail were discussing the ult in un-PC fuckoff names. I reckoned the above would really clear everyone’s custard, but we never ever intended using it. Especially as me, McGrail and Doggen are The New Cunts. Luke Piper who runs the Avalon stage at Glastonbury asked me if the New Cunts could muster up a set for the forthcoming festival. I had to admit our first e.p. isn’t even finished yet, though we couldn’t have played in any case as it’s only a trio and Doggen is probably away in the US with Spiritualized at that time. However, it’s good to know such invitations will be forthcoming when our new e.p. DON’T LET HER MONTHLIES BRING YOU DOWN is finally released.
Okay, I’m off and only ten minutes to landing.
JULIAN (Sky Lord of Old Europe)